Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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