Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize