You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
