Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
