thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
