My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
