Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
