My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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