hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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