life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
