My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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