saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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