first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize