just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
