i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
