yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
