we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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