dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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