He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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