i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize