nut hugger
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
