I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
