ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That's when you crack a 10am beer
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
