i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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