1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Vodka?
Forever.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
