a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
