Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
