So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
