Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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