Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Gay?
German.
Pity.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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