i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
