Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
