omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
