he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize