well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Alive.
So much puke
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
