I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
