apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
