dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
