just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
