You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
