omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
