my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
