She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
