This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
