You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
