So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
