Im at strip club and am horny
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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