NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
