if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
