what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
