She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
