So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
