Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Are we still banned from the library?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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