I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
