I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
