best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
