Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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