hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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