Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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