so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
