I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
