Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize