i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
