i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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